Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
