I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
