I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
