Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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