you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
