If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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