i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
