I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
