Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
