I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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