There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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