i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
