Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
