Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
