either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
