just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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