apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
