A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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