He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
