When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
