The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
