The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
