Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
