Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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