Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
