So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
