I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
