shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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