I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
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