In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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