i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
