I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
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