So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
