I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
