I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
