puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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