this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
