Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
