i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
