You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize