i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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