omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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