Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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