i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
