I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
