I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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