i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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