The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
