Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
