At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
