So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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