There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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