I won't be sarcastic... just naked
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
