Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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