Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
