I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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