Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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