No stitches, just platelets and will power
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
