I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
