I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize