She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
