Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
