Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
