Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
