I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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