Duck Duck Cougar?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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