He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize