Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
