This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
