Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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