I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
