I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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