I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
