i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
