This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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