Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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