i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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