Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
