i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You were trust falling into bushes
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
