i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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