We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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