Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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