not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
