Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
