I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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