He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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