goodnight i made you a song goodbye
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
