im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
it's like heaven, but drunker
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
