WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
