your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We're too hungover to prance.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize