the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
