Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
