Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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