This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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