nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
im six kinds of drunk right now
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
