for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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