he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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