sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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